Enough? Not Enough?

(DISCLAIMER:  This post deals with some serious issues of self worth)


I've been struggling with feelings of enough vs not enough in several areas of my life, most especially my title. I knew going into the year that it would be tough due to the surgery in May. I had that conversation with my producer before I even ran for the title, as I wanted him to understand that for several months it would be difficult for me to get around. We worked through that, and got to Dallas just fine. However, now that Dallas has come and gone, at first I was at a loss. 

As soon as we got home, we had a contest that we had promised to be at so jumped right into that and had a great time. But then life reared its' ugly head and I had to focus on issues at home. Thus is the life of living with a spinal cord injury patient. 

I do not want to use Daddy as an excuse for not doing things in our community, but she does come first and when I am needed to help her, I will do that. Also, living on a very fixed income provides its' own challenges. 

What I struggle with, I guess, is that I am not out in the community doing what I really wanted to do with this title. I wanted to be out teaching and sharing my passion. I am not sure how to do that right now. But what people are not seeing is what I am doing right from own living room. 

In the past month or two, a couple of people have reached out to me for help in preparing for various contests around the country. So my dream of doing contest prep is starting to come true. It is a start. I am bringing back the Valley of the Sun Bootblack Bee...a casual time of bootblacking held in my home once a month. The first one will be Oct 25th. Not sure how many people will show up, if any, but it is a start. I know that there are several people locally that have asked for me to help them learn leather care, so hopefully they will come to that. 

I am also working on something for the new year, plans are coming together for that and am planning on making that announcement at the end of the month. 

I know people say that I can make my title year my own, but to be honest, I feel like I haven't made it anything at all. Will have to think more on this, and figure out a way to do that. 

(I discovered that this had not been published when I wrote it. I debated on just deleting it, but decided to go ahead and publish it.)

SW Bootblack Boot Camp 2016

My dream is to teach bootblacking to anyone that wants to learn, and to provide opportunities for learning. Ever since Southern Sole happened, I wanted to do something like that on the west coast, as it was hard for some people to get back east for Southern Sole. With the support of Daddy Tyr, the beginning of that dream is in the works. 

SW Bootblack Boot Camp 2016 is scheduled for Feb 26-28, 2016!!!!! It will be held in Phoenix at various locations. On Friday night, we will meet at a local bar for Cigars and Chocolate  cake, as well as getting to know each other. This will be open to the public as well. Saturday will be full of classes/workshops on different aspects of bootblacking, and everyone will have the chance to actually work on some boots. We will enjoy dinner as a group before heading over to Anvil, our local leather bar, to support the Phoenix boys of Leather's Gear Night. 

For me, the most exciting part of the weekend happens on Sunday. We will be leaving Phoenix bright and early and head up to Snowflake, AZ to tour the Huberd's Factory. I have been trying to get there for a tour for several years, and they finally agreed to it. Huberd's as also agreed to be a sponsor for the weekend. 

A dear friend, Redwarrior, will be coming down from Alaska to help me with the weekend. I met Redwarrior when she was ICBB 2010, and am so looking forward to hosting her for the weekend. Another instructor is Wicked Jade, Philadelphia Bootblack 2015 and another dear friend. Daddy Tyr is helping out, and is in charge of the Friday night social. 

I don't know how well this will go over, am hoping it is successful. I have been thinking about what I would consider successful, and finally came up with the answer. If just one person attends and learns something new, then it will have been worth it. It is time to start advertising the weekend, I want to make sure that as many people are made aware of the weekend. 

I Have A Dream

The last few days have been really difficult for me. I had to face reality, and sometimes that is extremely hard to do. So let me back up a bit.

I had been asked to run for SW Community Bootblack 2016. I thought about it, asked people I respect for their opinions, and had just about decided to go ahead and do it. Then the 1st of the month rolled around, and that is the day that I sit down and distribute the money I receive each month. After paying all the bills that I am required to pay out of my check, and looking at how Daddy's check was going to play out, I saw that we were left with a small amount of money to get us through the month. This was all before I even went to the store to get the groceries and other items that we, our beloved children and our home would need till the next time we were graced with some cash. I have lived like this for so long, that I can't even imagine what it would be like to be able to pay all our bills each month, and still have money left over to buy groceries AND have fun money. 

Competing is expensive, being a titleholder is expensive. I know that, I knew that before I ever competed in the first contest back in 2012. But I have a dream, so Daddy helped me fulfill that dream. As much as I want to go back to IlSb-ICBB and compete again....and win ICBB, it would not be fair to Daddy, our dogs, our home, and even myself to move forward with something that would jeopardize the safety and well being of our family. 

Yes, being a titleholder is special, it opens doors. It allows you to go and do things that possibly you wouldn't be able to do without that patch on your back. But holding a title brings responsibilities, and if I am going to hold another title, I want to make sure that I am in a position to make that year the best year possible. 

I have decided that I am not going to compete in 2016. I am going to focus on improving my health, and my family. I am going to open the doors to our home once a month for the Valley of the Sun Bootblacking Bee - in the hopes that people who have asked me about learning more about bootblacking will come and learn. I will continue to teach, wherever I am able, and work on some projects that I have floating around in my head. I still have a dream, not the same dream as a year ago, but I still have a dream.

Boxes - My ICBB 2015 Speech video

Thoughts on my weekend at ILSb-ICBB 2015

I am now in the air, literally, as I attempt to gather my thoughts about the experience I just went through. No one could have prepared me for the roller coaster ride I was going to embark on once I arrived in Dallas. Forget the excitement of no water or AC in our hotel, which was beyond the control of anyone there. It does provide common ground for the Class of 2015... the only commonality of our collective experiences. The months of preparation have finally paid off, SW Leather Trident had arrived and was ready to take Dallas by storm. 

Meeting our classmates face to face finally, after chatting for weeks. I truly felt like we were experiencing something special during the medal ceremony. Emotions were high, and you could truly feel like we were united. Then, walking down that center aisle and up on stage hearing my name announced as 'representing the SW region'....I can't describe it. I was not alone, and I was not doing this for myself. I WAS representing my entire family that were back home in AZ, NM, and NV. Hearing my friends and family cheer as I walked to that stage, it took every ounce of willpower to not cry. It was a good thing the staff kept preaching to us to smile.

My original intention in writing this was to share my entire weekend, but I am struggling to find the words. So I will hit the highlights. I first thought that the best part of the weekend was meeting, for me, a legend... Master Jack Peace. I loved finally getting that chance, however the best part happened on Saturday night. As we waited in the back for our turn on stage to give our speech, my nerves got the better of me. My speech was absolutely gone. The staff was amazing, the calmed me down and encouraged me. It was my turn on stage and as I walked down that aisle, my eyes focused on the stage so I could not see the love of my life. The cheering of my friends and family let me know that no matter what happened that night, all would be well. I took the microphone in my hand, took a deep breath and opened my mouth. I poured my heart and soul out to those listening. I was so focused on getting the microphone back onto the stand and off the stage before bursting into tears that I did not hear the crowd. It was later that I heard the applause on the video. I broke down inthe arms of one of the staff members back stage. I was done, there was nothing left. I truly felt like I had messed that speech up totally. I was so ready to apologize to my family and producers for disappointing them. Then it was time to return to the stage for the announcement of winners. I had convinced myself that Briar was going to win the Golden Brush award that I was absolutely in shock when it was my name announced. OH my gawd....this award did not come from judges....it came from my peers. I am still in shock over it. Then to share that excitement with my family....what a thrill. It actually was anti-climactic to find outI was First Runner up.

I know Briar will be an amazing ICBB2015, and I will be right there ready to help her in any way she needs. I am honored to have shared this weekend with her, and to get to know her.I am returning to my SWLSB-CBB family ready to continue our work. There are bootblacks to be birthed and raised in AZ, NM, and NV. I have some really exciting ideas for our region, and look forward to sharing them with everyone soon.

There are so many people to thank. I could not have done what I did this weekend with the loving support of Daddy Tyr. She believed in me when no one else did, she would not let me quit when I wanted to walk away. She allowed me to compete in March, even though she felt it was not in my best interest. I hope she feels differently now. To Mom & Dad, you supported me even though you didn't quite get what was happening. Your love and acceptance means the world to me. Thank you. Daddy Mark and Rocko...how do I thank you? You put up with health emergencies, transportation issues and my stubbornness. I love you both and hope we can continue working together to make our region strong. Sir
Joe and boy Tater, you showed me what it meant to be family, and you are both
Leathermen I am proud to call family. Sir Bill and Garrett, the months before this weekend were rough, but you stood beside not only your partner but by Daddy and I. Thank you. To Sir Greg and Syr Evan, thanks are not enough. You have made a difference in my life, I hope to be able to pay that forward. Jeffrey Payne, I am so grateful for everything. I love you. To the entire staff and volunteers of ILSB - ICBB2015, you are awesome!!!!!!!!!

A very special thank you must go out to the men and woman of the ILSB - ICBB class of 2015.....you are truly an amazing representation of what it means to be leather. Your home regions have every reason to be proud of you! Sir Tug, boy Jim and Briar, I am ready to assist you this year with anything you may need. Our home is always open for you. Each of you are so deserving of the title you now wear.

Contestant Medallion, Golden Brush Award, 1st Runner Up Medallion

BOXES (My ICBB 2015 Speech)

This past weekend was ILSb-ICBB 2015 in Dallas, TX. I am still processing the entire weekend, so will post those thoughts soon. I wanted to put the video of my speech here, but can't figure out how to do that. So will post the text of it.

Boxes - an amazing invention used to store items.  However, they were never intended to store people. Society truly enjoys putting human beings in a box. When people fight against being put into whatever particular box society wants them in, they are then labeled a rebel.

For many years, I had been sealed in a box that had been labeled by others. After meeting Daddy Tyr, she broke the seal on my box (chuckle) and removed the labels that had been placed upon me. As our relationship blossomed, she encouraged (chuckle) and yes, sometimes pushed me to step out of that box. It was only when I climbed out of that box during the SW Leather Contest in March that I finally felt accepted for me. This acceptance brought about a transformation in every aspect of my life, most especially my bootblacking. Society wanted to label my box lover, caregiver, slave, bootblack, mother, sister.  Fuck those other labels, I AM CHERIELLE, nothing less!

We - you, you, you  and every member of OUR community have already been labeled as outlaws and rebels, so I declare this the YEAR OF NO BOXES. Let’s live our life authentically, without fear of what others think. Because when each of us live our lives according to OUR truth, we will be able to make a positive change in our world. The way I see it, we can’t see outside the box when we are still in it.

SO, I challenge you to break…. No…. EXPLODE out of whatever box you have been put in, THRIVE and help others to do the same!

Reasons for What I Do

The other day I received a message from someone that was very much a part of my life many years ago, but drifted away. Apparently this person is returning to either the area or the community, I really don't know since this message was the first time I had heard from this person in years. The message was basically telling me that I was a hypocrite for having competed in March for my current title, and going on to International in a few weeks. This person went on to give examples of why I should not be a title holder, and was down right ugly. In the past, I would have had a melt down after reading the message, and most likely would have believed every word. Years of therapy made a difference. 

I will admit, the first time I competed was for all the wrong reasons. I wanted the title because I thought it would make me popular and someone special. Wow, looking back on it, I am so glad I didn't win that title. I now know that a title will not do what I 'thought' it would do. The second year I competed, it was more out of a desire to prove that I was a good bootblack. Again, I am glad that I did not win that year but that is more due to some family things that happened. However, the judges comments, and comments by people I never realized were watching gave me a lot of food for thought. 

In the two years between competitions, I had a lot of time to work on ME, as well as my bootblacking. A lot of things happened during those years, and every single event was something that allowed me to have a life lesson. I had come to the decision that I was not going to compete in a bootblack contest again, mostly for personal reasons. But when leathermen I respect come to me asking that I compete for SWCBB, I was floored. I debated internally for some time, discussed it with Daddy Tyr, more discussions with Daddy Mark and then even more internal debate. I had to make sure that the reason I was competing was for the right reason, which did not include my personal agenda. 

See, I have a dream. It is a simple dream really. I want to be able to present bootblacking to anyone who wants to learn about it. But I also want to present it to people that have absolutely no idea about bootblacking. Yes, I can do this without a title, but in reality, having the title makes it much easier to get into places to bootblack. When Daddy Mark explained to me the changes he was making in the titles this year, adding the emphasis on Leadership, Education and Community I knew then that I wanted to be a part of what he was trying to do. So I agreed to compete. 

I have some really exciting things in the works for not just the rest of my title year, but the years ahead. And the best part of these plans is there will be others involved. And some of it will allow me to do exactly what I love to do.....share bootblacking with others and help others start on their own path. 

40 Days to Go!

Two weeks ago a friend came to the apartment for a photo shoot so i would have a head shot for my application for ICBB. This is just one of the photos she took. I have never done anything like this, and had a blast. She had never done photos like this, and knew nothing about bootblacking other than what I had shared with her. I think she did an amazing job. Can't wait to see the rest. 

40 days from now, we will be boarding a plane to Dallas for ILSb-ICBB. I am slowing getting things ready, and am so excited. Can't wait to meet the rest of the Class of 2015, see old friends and make new friends. I've given a lot of thought to this particular contest. I have never been more ready for something in my life. There are still a few things to gather, figure out packing, and make sure that our four legged children are taken care of while out of town. It will come together

I have so many things that I want to accomplish that at times I feel overwhelmed. I have watched the drama that has been going on in our community, and listened/read as people complain about things. There is a saying that says, 'Be the change that you want to see.' I want to be that change. You will not see me posting publicly about the different situations that are going on. What you will see is action. I will be reaching out to new bootblacks that are wanting to learn. 

When I came into the leather community I was surrounded by people that took the time to teach me what I wanted to learn, even when I didn't know i wanted to learn. LOL When I moved to Atlanta, I became a member of Atlanta PEP. LadyD had a motto that hung up on the wall in PEP that said "EACH ONE, TEACH ONE". That was 15 yrs ago, and I still remember that. She ingrained it into the members, and I still try to live by the philosophy. If LadyD, Mistress Kay, Master Doug Harris, boy bob, and other members of PEP and Sanctuary of the Dark Angel had not taken the time to teach me and others hungry for knowledge, I would not be here today. 

Then I moved to Phoenix and met some amazing bootblacks. They shared their time and knowledge to teach me not only the technical skills needed to become a bootblack, but to hold me accountable on my actions. Without them in my life, I would not be where I am now. Bootpig, Moe, Tabitha Arie, Bear, Whisper, Jayson DaBoi, Pony, and Redwarrior taught me well. It is my hope that I can pay them back by paying forward what they gave me. 

If you see me out and about, come up and introduce yourself. If you want to learn about bootblacking, no matter where you live, ask me. I will share my knowledge with you to the best of my ability. 

Keep on Shining On!

Upcoming Events

The next fundraiser will be sponsored by Arizona Men of Leather, and is their yearly Prison Party at Anvil. All funds raised will be given to the SW Leather Sir, Leather boy and Community Bootblack Travel fund. We are so grateful for their support. 

On July 18, there will be a BBQ Cook Off at Rainbow Cactus. Bring your BBQ, $10 to enter the contest. After the judging, plates of BBQ will be sold for $5. I will be bootblacking for the first time ever at Rainbow Cactus, and NikkiStarr and her Cactus Angels will be performing. Again, all funds go to the travel fund. 

Hanky Panky 2015 will be August 8 at Bunkhouse. There will be a drag show, demos, photo booth, bootblacking, jello shots, beer bust, and some auction items. The crowd will have the opportunity to chime in on my hot wear outfits. I have two, so will wear one the first half of the show, and the second during the second half. At the end of the night, the crowd will vote on which one they liked the best. The outfit that wins will be the one that I wear at ICBB in Dallas Labor Day weekend. 

August 15th, the title family will travel to Tucson for a fundraiser. More details to come as I get them!!!

Thank you to every one who is supporting our little family in our effort to get to Dallas to bring home three International titles!!!!

What a Crazy Few Months (long post)

It has been a couple of months since I have written, and to be honest I completely forgot I had this blog and was suppose to be writing about my title year. See, real life became real! 

On May 26th, I reported to Scottsdale Shea Medical Center for knee replacement surgery. This was a surgery that I have been waiting to have since I was first told it needed to be done in 1995. At that time, I was too young for the surgery so we proceeded to do whatever we could to nurse it along. I made it as far as we could possibly go. If I had not had it done when I did, the doctor said he could not guarantee how long the knee would last, and that my pain would only get worse. So I had it done. 

I had been told that knee replacement surgery was the most painful surgery to recover from. So I had mentally prepared for this pain. I figured I had given birth to three children, the last one being almost 10 lbs, how bad could this be. And to be honest, the pain after the surgery was not too bad. Of course, I was on some good narcotics to control the pain. However, me being me, I was determined to get off the IV meds and onto the oral so that I could get to rehab. Surgery on Tuesday, I went to rehab on Friday. Up to this point, the most PT I had done was to get up and walk around the floor in the hospital. I didn't see a therapist until Saturday, and oh my gawd!!!! Now I understood what people were talking about with the pain. However, I had a goal to be home by June 4, so I knew that I had to endure the pain. I made an agreement with my therapist. She could torture me all she wanted, but I was allowed to cry, scream and even curse. I called on the tricks I have learned in my SM play for processing pain, took my pain meds right before PT and worked. I worked hard. By Tuesday, I was able to pedal the bike the proper way...pedals going all the way around!!!! I walked the steps like a pro, and was able to get my knee to a 95 degree bend. I was allowed to go home on Wednesday. 

We had prepared the apartment for my return...making sure there was a clear pathway to anywhere I might need to go, things close to the bed that I would need. Home health came out to check my INR (was on coumadin) and PT came out a few times. However, all hell broke loose a week after I came home.

Cheryl (my partner aka Daddy Tyr) had to go back in for surgery. Seems her spinal stimulator had a major malfunction and was not working. Why it had to happen at this time, who knows. She had surgery June 15, came home two days later. Her caregiver hours were increased so she had someone here on the weekends as I was absolutely no use to her at this point. The first weekend she was home I had the migraine from hell for three days, so spent most of the time in the bed sleeping. On Monday, June 22, I had an appt with my pain management team, and while there got a call from Cheryl that her primary care provider wanted her to go to the ER IMMEDIATELY due to some symptoms that suggested some neurological issues. So I rush home, as much as I can rush when depending on cabs, and arrived just as her mother arrived. Called 911, and she was transported to John C Lincoln Deer Valley. Due to the stimulator, they were not able to do the test they felt they needed; so wanted to do a test using contrast. A BIG NO! Cheryl is allergic to IVP dye, and contrast dye. They said the dye is different than three years ago, so we reluctantly agreed. They said they would do a 13 hr desensitization protocol to help prevent any issues. I go home, and get a ride back to the hospital early. Find out the doctors have second thoughts about the contrast and decide not to do the test. Instead, going to observe and see what happens. We spent 24 hrs of pure torture. I wont got into details here, but will say that it was so very hard to sit there and watch the woman I love go through the things she was experiencing and not be able to do anything. I felt helpless. Finally, a doctor comes in to say they have decided that the stimulator needs to come out, but it can't be done where we were due to the surgeon not having privileges. So transferred to Scottsdale Thompson Peak for a 4pm surgery. 

The surgeon finally arrives shortly after 6pm, no explanation and extremely rude. Surgery only lasted about 30 min, and when the surgeon came out to speak to us he was rude once again. I was done, I wanted him off the case. He had not been to see Cheryl the entire time she was in the hospital, never called to see how she was doing. He even insisted that the stimulator was not the cause of the issues. HMMMMM, within 10 mins of reaching her room after surgery, Cheryl stated she needed to go the bathroom. That had been one of the issues, she never could tell. Other symptoms slowing began to disappear. The one thing that wasn't leaving was the pain. A new doctor came to take over from the surgeon, and we began to get somewhere. Consults with other specialists, new pain meds, and improvement. However, during all this she lost the use of her legs and could not walk. Which meant she could not come home.

Finally she is transferred to an acute rehab, way out in Sun City. This means it is difficult for me to get to visit, as I refuse to ask our friends to go so far out of their way. We survive on phone calls and texts, and her parents finally take me out there yesterday. It was so good to see her up, dressed in street clothes and her sick, dry sense of humor back. She even got up and showed us that she could walk. My heart soared. She called a bit ago and will be home on Wednesday. What a relief. 

Now, during all this I still have titleholder duties. A fundraiser for Sir Joe at Anvil, where I was to do a bootblack demo. I showed up, and really had a good time, even though I was absolutely exhausted and in a lot of pain. I had been doing an extreme amount of walking the past week, very little sleep and definitely not eating right. But it felt good to be out and supporting my title family. 

During all this craziness, I still have a contest to prepare for so do the best I can. Began to think about clothes, and all outfits are coming together nicely. If things work out the way I hope they do, I should have all the major outfits together in about two weeks. Finally got the new boots I had been wanting, a pair of tactical boots that are comfortable, will take a good shine and will be my day time, every day boots. This leaves my Corcorans for formal wear. Just need to learn my speech, prepare for interview and continue my work on fundraisers. OH, I finally got a chance to get my hands dirty and do boots. 5 pairs of them!!!!! It was so much fun as they were all different. I could feel the energy of the leatherman that they belonged to. It is such an honor to be allowed to care for another's leathers that take them on their journey. IT IS GOOD TO BE THE BOOTBLACK. 

In the last couple of days, I have been able to get back to the things that make me feel good...bootblacking, zentangles, and my clay. OH, and the Phoenix Mercury are playing again so have the games to keep me busy! Go Merc!!!

Crowns, Crowns and More Crowns

Last night I had the honor of attending the Coronation of the Imperial Court of Arizona. When I moved to Arizona in 2004, I had never heard of Imperial Court. It is an International non-for-profit organization striving to unite the Gay, Lesbian, Transgender, Bi-Sexual and Heterosexual communities through charitable fundraising events to meet the needs of all. I have not heard of any other organization that unites all these communities like this. The Court holds fundraising events, raising lots and lots of money for charities. The Imperial Court of Arizona raised over $23,000 in Reign IX (the one that just finished). Over the years that I have lived in Phoenix, I began to hear about the Court as people I respected became Monarchs and continued their work for the community. The past year, I began to support the Court in small ways, attending shows when I could. I began to make friends with members of the Court, and learned so much more about the organization. Just as the leather community has its fair share of drama, so does the Court, however, what I saw was all drama was put aside when it came time to raise money for charity. That says a lot, so I wanted to learn more. I began to get to know some of the members, and started becoming close to a few.

After winning my own title, I knew that even though Coronation was not a 'leather' event, it was a community event, and one thing my producer, Daddy Mark, wants his titleholders to do is support the organizations in our community. So, plans were made to attend Coronation. I found out that it was a formal affair....black tie you could say. Oh crap, I no longer had my evening gowns....and no money to or time to get one. After some investigation, I was told that I could wear my formal leathers....so pull out the skirt and corset. Uh Oh, totally spaced out the fact that I had been losing weight...skirt is now too large....can make it work since I am wearing a corset. Yikes, the corset that i just bought at SWLC 2014 and have only worn it 3 times is now too big. Can't win for losing. We make it work as I am at the hotel with no way home. What I forgot to take into account was the time....got dressed at 330pm, finally got home at 1145pm. And eating in a corset? Not a good idea. But I looked good, felt good, and had my title vest so representing...all is good. And I finally got to give slave tabitha arie, IMsBB 2015 a hug!!!!

Went downstairs and oh my goodness! Everywhere I looked I saw crowns...small crowns, medium crowns, and large crowns. And when I say large crowns, I mean large...not sure how those queens held their heads up. Being a femme, I was in heaven....so many beautiful gowns. Lots of sequins and rhinestones. I honestly felt under dressed. I got to meet people from all over, and had the opportunity to share with some people about bootblacking. Apparently, Arizona is lucky in that so many of the members of the Court are Leather; which means the others aren't always familiar with what we do.

The highlight of my evening was having the honor of dressing NikkiStarr, one of the Aspirants to Empress. The dress she wore was suppose to be my wedding dress, but when I couldn't afford to pay for the alterations, I sold it to NikkiStarr for Coronation. She wore it so much better than I ever could. When I walked out of the dressing room, I knew how mothers must feel when they get their daughters dressed for a wedding. NikkiStarr has become a dear friend, someone i can talk to about anything. I know she has my back....and I have hers.

Finally, 6 hours after the evening began, they are ready to announce the new Monarchs. There is a group of us standing together very nervous and the doors open. In walks the new Emperor, Steve Marino. We are excited! When Bill Mitchell walks in with the new Empress, I was devastated as it was not my friend...it was Olivia Gardens. Yes, I cried, my heart breaking for NikkiStarr and her family. I know what it is to work hard for a title and not win it. I've been there twice. Thankfully, Cub G was there next to me and he helped me get it together. They brought NikkiStarr in, and I was so proud of her. She walked so regally, a smile on her face and she was beautiful. At this point, I was exhausted and was beginning to feel sick to my stomach from being in the corset for so long and my feet throbbed. I said my goodbyes, and Sir Joe brought me home.

I do not know of any other group of ALL volunteers that bring together every aspect of the community..gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and heterosexuals..to raise money for charitable organizations. They have raised money for HIV/AIDS, Paws for Patriots, Hospice, Children, etc. They work hard to make their community a better place, and have an amazing impact on their world. This is definitely an organization that I endorse and I encourage everyone to consider becoming involved in some way, even if it is just attending an event.

So Much To Do and Not Sure Where to Start

We will be heading to the airport in just over four months to head to Dallas for ILSb-ICBB 2015 contest and I am a bit overwhelmed at everything that has to be done. Not only do I need to figure out outfits for the entire weekend and figure out how to transport my kit, I am having knee replacement surgery May 26 AND have to help raise money for our SW Title family to get to Dallas. 

Since I love playing around with my graphics program, I offered to make the flyers for the different fundraisers being planned for the summer. I figured this was one way I could help out since I wouldn't be able to actually be at the fundraisers to help out. However, I discovered that I just am not qualified enough to create these fliers. It was a very difficult admission to make, not just to myself but to those I had promised. I am hoping that we will be able to get the assistance we need to get these flyers made, then once we get them I will do my magic via social media. I have decided that I am going to see if I can find some free classes on using my graphics program that I can take during my recovery period so I can be more help to my family. 

I am also planning a major fundraiser for early August. It will be one that I hope I am able to bring together many different elements of our community for an evening of fun and frolic. I love watching our community come together to help one another on these special nights. 

Phoenix Pride 2015

I sit here completely and utterly exhausted, and yes a bit sunburned. This morning found me rising early, and getting ready to head out for the Phoenix Pride Parade. A stop at the grocery store for donuts for the group, then head on over to the staging area. While waiting for Daddy Mark to arrive to take us further in to the actual staging area, we ran into Sir Joe and Cub G at Starbucks. We gathered around the car, and I asked Cub G to take a picture of me. This was not just any picture, in reality it looks like any other picture...me in my vest wearing a bootblack t-shirt. But if you look carefully, not just any t-shirt. A t-shirt designed by a very special bootblack, Tabitha Arie Fischer. The graphic is a boot comprised of many single words, words Tabitha collected from bootblacks all over. Each word explains what bootblacking means to the individual who sent it to Tabitha. I chose this shirt for a special reason. 

While Phoenix was celebrating Gay Pride, Tabitha Arie was in San Jose, competing for the title of International Ms Bootblack 2015. This was not her first attempt, she was determined to compete until she won. The contest was over last night, and once again, Tabitha was announced as 1st runner up. My heart broke for her, and I felt that by wearing the shirt she designed, I was able to show her and the world that no matter what a panel of judges decided...I thought she was a winner. When I posted the pic, it was with the caption...'channeling Tabitha Arie'. How was I to know what was happening in San Jose at that moment in time. 

It was just a short time later, that the announcement came across Facebook that a mistake had been made, and Tabitha actually won the contest. Excitement abounded among our group. She finally reached her goal. Tabitha made history. That is her story to tell, what I will say is this:

I have watched her grow, have been judged by her and have learned from her. Because of Tabitha, I am a better bootblack, a better person. She has taught me that it is ok to go after your dreams, no matter what others think. In some ways, I was like her. I competed several times in my quest for a Bootblack title. Tabitha was instrumental in showing me that it was ok to go against the norms, and break out of the box that society wanted to keep me in. 

Just as I have stated before....our physical bodies do not determine how good of a bootblack you are. I encourage anyone who has a dream to go forth and do the work it takes to make the dream a reality. 

The next year is going to be amazing....for me, for Tabitha, and if you want it....for you!

ONE WEEK LATER

Well, it has now been just a little over a week since the contest, and to be honest, it really hasn't sunk in. This is something that I have wanted for so long, that I am having a hard time that it is REAL!

This past Saturday, I was able to go to an event in support of the Imperial Sovereign Empire of Arizona (ISEA). They had a show at Plazma, raising money for Wizranch, which is an animal rescue and sanctuary. I had an awesome time, got to assist in selling raffle tickets. If I had known I would be doing that, I would have worn a corset to show off the girls a bit more than they were displayed. :) I know the guys love the girls.

Daddy Mark told us each of us needed to choose a charity to support during our year. Since this is the year I celebrate exploding out of the box, I do not want to do something that everyone does, which is CASH! Don't get me wrong, raising money is good, it is needed. However, I know that we will be doing some major fundraising for our travel fund. I do not want to burn our community out by always asking for money. So in the spirit of Sir Valentino and Panda, the SW Master/slave 2014 who raised 8 tons of canned goods during their title year, I will be collecting canned food for various agencies in the Valley. In addition, I will be asking for pet food to be given to two different agencies: Chuck Waggin Pet Food Pantry, which assist low income persons and the elderly with food for their four legged family members; and Empty Bowl Pet Food Pantry, which helps provide food to people so the families can stay together. 

I know it is different than most people are used too, but when you burst out of the box, you will go on to things that are definitely not in the box. Our community is so much bigger than what we see on a daily basis, and some of the most important members of that community are our four legged friends. 

So, the next time you go shopping, won't you pick up some extra non-perishable food for a human being in need, AND pick up something to pass on to our most loyal, most loving four legged community members? The SWLSb-CBB family would so appreciate your support as will the agencies receiving your donations. 

And remember, don't let people put you in a box. 

Let Them Fly

During the interview process for SW Community Bootblack, I was asked what my goal was for the year if I were to win the title. My response was that I wanted to spread my passion for bootblacking, teach those that wanted to learn about bootblacking, and work towards creating a family with the others that I was competing with that weekend. After winning, I realized that I have another goal…one that for me is even more personal.

Through the years, I have been told that I couldn’t do things because I was female, or I was straight, or I was bisexual, or even worse, I was disabled. I was pushed into a box that others felt I should be in, and when I attempted to break out of that box, all hell broke loose. I was accused of being difficult or not falling in line with the status quo.

Know what? F**K THAT!!! Once I decided that I was not going to be kept in the box that others wanted me in, life became much nicer. I began to sleep better, get along better with others, and started to truly live. I had people come to me after the weekend and ask me where I came from. It actually was quite comical. I am still me, the difference is I was, and am free! I no longer live my life according to others standards. I am happy, carefree and am finally being true to myself.

So, what do I hope to accomplish during my year as SW Community Bootblack? I want people to realize that it doesn’t matter what is on someone’s chest, what is between someone’s legs, or whether someone is disabled or not. Let them live their lives the way they see fit, and let them fly!!!