(DISCLAIMER: This post deals with some serious issues of self worth)
I've been struggling with feelings of enough vs not enough in several areas of my life, most especially my title. I knew going into the year that it would be tough due to the surgery in May. I had that conversation with my producer before I even ran for the title, as I wanted him to understand that for several months it would be difficult for me to get around. We worked through that, and got to Dallas just fine. However, now that Dallas has come and gone, at first I was at a loss.
As soon as we got home, we had a contest that we had promised to be at so jumped right into that and had a great time. But then life reared its' ugly head and I had to focus on issues at home. Thus is the life of living with a spinal cord injury patient.
I do not want to use Daddy as an excuse for not doing things in our community, but she does come first and when I am needed to help her, I will do that. Also, living on a very fixed income provides its' own challenges.
What I struggle with, I guess, is that I am not out in the community doing what I really wanted to do with this title. I wanted to be out teaching and sharing my passion. I am not sure how to do that right now. But what people are not seeing is what I am doing right from own living room.
In the past month or two, a couple of people have reached out to me for help in preparing for various contests around the country. So my dream of doing contest prep is starting to come true. It is a start. I am bringing back the Valley of the Sun Bootblack Bee...a casual time of bootblacking held in my home once a month. The first one will be Oct 25th. Not sure how many people will show up, if any, but it is a start. I know that there are several people locally that have asked for me to help them learn leather care, so hopefully they will come to that.
I am also working on something for the new year, plans are coming together for that and am planning on making that announcement at the end of the month.
I know people say that I can make my title year my own, but to be honest, I feel like I haven't made it anything at all. Will have to think more on this, and figure out a way to do that.
(I discovered that this had not been published when I wrote it. I debated on just deleting it, but decided to go ahead and publish it.)
Sunday, November 15, 2015
SW Bootblack Boot Camp 2016
My dream is to teach bootblacking to anyone that wants to learn, and to provide opportunities for learning. Ever since Southern Sole happened, I wanted to do something like that on the west coast, as it was hard for some people to get back east for Southern Sole. With the support of Daddy Tyr, the beginning of that dream is in the works.
SW Bootblack Boot Camp 2016 is scheduled for Feb 26-28, 2016!!!!! It will be held in Phoenix at various locations. On Friday night, we will meet at a local bar for Cigars and Chocolate cake, as well as getting to know each other. This will be open to the public as well. Saturday will be full of classes/workshops on different aspects of bootblacking, and everyone will have the chance to actually work on some boots. We will enjoy dinner as a group before heading over to Anvil, our local leather bar, to support the Phoenix boys of Leather's Gear Night.
For me, the most exciting part of the weekend happens on Sunday. We will be leaving Phoenix bright and early and head up to Snowflake, AZ to tour the Huberd's Factory. I have been trying to get there for a tour for several years, and they finally agreed to it. Huberd's as also agreed to be a sponsor for the weekend.
A dear friend, Redwarrior, will be coming down from Alaska to help me with the weekend. I met Redwarrior when she was ICBB 2010, and am so looking forward to hosting her for the weekend. Another instructor is Wicked Jade, Philadelphia Bootblack 2015 and another dear friend. Daddy Tyr is helping out, and is in charge of the Friday night social.
I don't know how well this will go over, am hoping it is successful. I have been thinking about what I would consider successful, and finally came up with the answer. If just one person attends and learns something new, then it will have been worth it. It is time to start advertising the weekend, I want to make sure that as many people are made aware of the weekend.
SW Bootblack Boot Camp 2016 is scheduled for Feb 26-28, 2016!!!!! It will be held in Phoenix at various locations. On Friday night, we will meet at a local bar for Cigars and Chocolate cake, as well as getting to know each other. This will be open to the public as well. Saturday will be full of classes/workshops on different aspects of bootblacking, and everyone will have the chance to actually work on some boots. We will enjoy dinner as a group before heading over to Anvil, our local leather bar, to support the Phoenix boys of Leather's Gear Night.
For me, the most exciting part of the weekend happens on Sunday. We will be leaving Phoenix bright and early and head up to Snowflake, AZ to tour the Huberd's Factory. I have been trying to get there for a tour for several years, and they finally agreed to it. Huberd's as also agreed to be a sponsor for the weekend.
A dear friend, Redwarrior, will be coming down from Alaska to help me with the weekend. I met Redwarrior when she was ICBB 2010, and am so looking forward to hosting her for the weekend. Another instructor is Wicked Jade, Philadelphia Bootblack 2015 and another dear friend. Daddy Tyr is helping out, and is in charge of the Friday night social.
I don't know how well this will go over, am hoping it is successful. I have been thinking about what I would consider successful, and finally came up with the answer. If just one person attends and learns something new, then it will have been worth it. It is time to start advertising the weekend, I want to make sure that as many people are made aware of the weekend.
Monday, November 2, 2015
I Have A Dream
The last few days have been really difficult for me. I had to face reality, and sometimes that is extremely hard to do. So let me back up a bit.
I had been asked to run for SW Community Bootblack 2016. I thought about it, asked people I respect for their opinions, and had just about decided to go ahead and do it. Then the 1st of the month rolled around, and that is the day that I sit down and distribute the money I receive each month. After paying all the bills that I am required to pay out of my check, and looking at how Daddy's check was going to play out, I saw that we were left with a small amount of money to get us through the month. This was all before I even went to the store to get the groceries and other items that we, our beloved children and our home would need till the next time we were graced with some cash. I have lived like this for so long, that I can't even imagine what it would be like to be able to pay all our bills each month, and still have money left over to buy groceries AND have fun money.
Competing is expensive, being a titleholder is expensive. I know that, I knew that before I ever competed in the first contest back in 2012. But I have a dream, so Daddy helped me fulfill that dream. As much as I want to go back to IlSb-ICBB and compete again....and win ICBB, it would not be fair to Daddy, our dogs, our home, and even myself to move forward with something that would jeopardize the safety and well being of our family.
Yes, being a titleholder is special, it opens doors. It allows you to go and do things that possibly you wouldn't be able to do without that patch on your back. But holding a title brings responsibilities, and if I am going to hold another title, I want to make sure that I am in a position to make that year the best year possible.
I have decided that I am not going to compete in 2016. I am going to focus on improving my health, and my family. I am going to open the doors to our home once a month for the Valley of the Sun Bootblacking Bee - in the hopes that people who have asked me about learning more about bootblacking will come and learn. I will continue to teach, wherever I am able, and work on some projects that I have floating around in my head. I still have a dream, not the same dream as a year ago, but I still have a dream.
I had been asked to run for SW Community Bootblack 2016. I thought about it, asked people I respect for their opinions, and had just about decided to go ahead and do it. Then the 1st of the month rolled around, and that is the day that I sit down and distribute the money I receive each month. After paying all the bills that I am required to pay out of my check, and looking at how Daddy's check was going to play out, I saw that we were left with a small amount of money to get us through the month. This was all before I even went to the store to get the groceries and other items that we, our beloved children and our home would need till the next time we were graced with some cash. I have lived like this for so long, that I can't even imagine what it would be like to be able to pay all our bills each month, and still have money left over to buy groceries AND have fun money.
Competing is expensive, being a titleholder is expensive. I know that, I knew that before I ever competed in the first contest back in 2012. But I have a dream, so Daddy helped me fulfill that dream. As much as I want to go back to IlSb-ICBB and compete again....and win ICBB, it would not be fair to Daddy, our dogs, our home, and even myself to move forward with something that would jeopardize the safety and well being of our family.
Yes, being a titleholder is special, it opens doors. It allows you to go and do things that possibly you wouldn't be able to do without that patch on your back. But holding a title brings responsibilities, and if I am going to hold another title, I want to make sure that I am in a position to make that year the best year possible.
I have decided that I am not going to compete in 2016. I am going to focus on improving my health, and my family. I am going to open the doors to our home once a month for the Valley of the Sun Bootblacking Bee - in the hopes that people who have asked me about learning more about bootblacking will come and learn. I will continue to teach, wherever I am able, and work on some projects that I have floating around in my head. I still have a dream, not the same dream as a year ago, but I still have a dream.
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