Enough? Not Enough?

(DISCLAIMER:  This post deals with some serious issues of self worth)


I've been struggling with feelings of enough vs not enough in several areas of my life, most especially my title. I knew going into the year that it would be tough due to the surgery in May. I had that conversation with my producer before I even ran for the title, as I wanted him to understand that for several months it would be difficult for me to get around. We worked through that, and got to Dallas just fine. However, now that Dallas has come and gone, at first I was at a loss. 

As soon as we got home, we had a contest that we had promised to be at so jumped right into that and had a great time. But then life reared its' ugly head and I had to focus on issues at home. Thus is the life of living with a spinal cord injury patient. 

I do not want to use Daddy as an excuse for not doing things in our community, but she does come first and when I am needed to help her, I will do that. Also, living on a very fixed income provides its' own challenges. 

What I struggle with, I guess, is that I am not out in the community doing what I really wanted to do with this title. I wanted to be out teaching and sharing my passion. I am not sure how to do that right now. But what people are not seeing is what I am doing right from own living room. 

In the past month or two, a couple of people have reached out to me for help in preparing for various contests around the country. So my dream of doing contest prep is starting to come true. It is a start. I am bringing back the Valley of the Sun Bootblack Bee...a casual time of bootblacking held in my home once a month. The first one will be Oct 25th. Not sure how many people will show up, if any, but it is a start. I know that there are several people locally that have asked for me to help them learn leather care, so hopefully they will come to that. 

I am also working on something for the new year, plans are coming together for that and am planning on making that announcement at the end of the month. 

I know people say that I can make my title year my own, but to be honest, I feel like I haven't made it anything at all. Will have to think more on this, and figure out a way to do that. 

(I discovered that this had not been published when I wrote it. I debated on just deleting it, but decided to go ahead and publish it.)